In a development certain to send shivers through anyone who has ever attended a primary school, BrokenNews.com.au can confirm huge new outbreaks of Legionnaires hats at youth education facilities across the country.

Legionnaires hats have been a sun-conscious, but largely unpopular mainstay of infant and primary school life for children Australia wide.  But in new statistics obtained under Freedom of Information, Broken News has been able to confirm precisely how many new cases of Legionnaires have been exposed.

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The statistics almost speak for themselves (if, in fact statistics could talk, which they can’t).    406 new cases of Legionnaires have now been exposed by BrokenNews in New South Wales.  Unsurprisingly, the oppressive heat climate in Queensland saw 315 new cases.

“The hats are gross,” says Jennifer Braxton, 7, of Ipswich in Queensland.  “Our school has this dumb rule called ‘no hat no play’ which totally sucks and it’s so lame.”

“I wear this awesome Frozen hat on the weekends because Linda Dawson gave it to me at my 6th birthday party and it is pink and I love pink it is so cute and also it has Elsa on it and she is my favourite Frozen character and I have seen Frozen about one hundred times and have you seen Frozen I bet you have but do you want me to sing some of Let it Go but the main thing is the hat should be our school uniform,” she added.

This hat is typical of the style that 7 year old girls would prefer to wear. (Pic: Walmart.com)
This hat is typical of the style that 7 year old girls would prefer to wear. (Pic: Walmart.com)

Comment was being sought from the Education Department, but not available at time of publication.