This story is from the Broken News archives.

Australia’s seat on the United Nations Security Council will include a built-in stubby holder, if Australia’s bid is successful, diplomatic officials tell Broken News.

Australia has spent $40 million on the bid for a seat on the security council, $36 million of which has been spent on designing the seat itself.


A decision on which country will be awarded a temporary position on the Security Council, alongside its permanent members will be made later this year.

Insiders have told Broken News that Australia’s offer to bring its own seat (with built-in stubby holder) has made our country’s bid particularly attractive.

“You know what it’s like in a busy office.  The chairs do tend to go missing,” said a United Nations attache.  “If the Aussies bring their own seat, it means we don’t have to go to Ikea and buy one for them.”

Australian officials spent some time deciding between the seat with the built-in stubby holder and another iconically Australian seat, the Smoky Dawson chair.  In the end, the stubby holder seat was chosen by the committee by 11 votes to 7.  Many members of the committee told Broken News that they were concerned that the Smoky Dawson chair is so comfortable, that the Australian delegate risked falling asleep during major debates involving international security.

Australia is keen to have a unique seat at the Security Council (Photo:
Australia is keen to have a unique seat at the Security Council (Photo:

It’s thought that if Australia is successful in winning a seat on the Security Council, it will bring a new era of peace to international affairs.  Australian officials are expect other Security Council members also have stubby holders built into their chairs, and have even suggested that a barbecue and patio area be built as an extension on the UN headquarters in New York.

“It’s the Aussie way of doing things,” said Foreign Affairs spokesman Dale Acton.  “Have everyone around for a barbecue and see if we can sort things out.  I think if those blokes in Syria got together for a few beers and a couple of snags, the problem would be solved pretty quickly.”