What you need to know: 

  • Telstra considering distribution of “tin-can” phone kits.
  • The company is in talks with Coles to use its “Down, Down” jingle
  • Vodafone receiving new customers in “Steven Bradbury” style Telstra capitulation.

Telstra is considering distributing “emergency kits” to customers whose internet and phone lines have been interrupted by service outages at the telecommunications company.  The kits contain two empty spaghetti tins and a length of twine intended to be a “standby” communications device while the customer’s service is out.  In the latest outage, ADSL and NBN internet customers have reported being without service this weekend, in what is fast becoming the most diabolical service year on record for the company.

The standby communications kit will contain two tin cans and a length of string.
The standby communications kit will contain two tin cans and a length of string.

Telstra has apologised to many of its customers who have complained on social media about the latest outage, though it is still unclear what has caused the technical issue.  Broken News has obtained dramatic pictures from inside Telstra HQ, which are purported to show technicians desperately trying to fix the latest fault (see below).  In the past, Telstra has offered “free-data” days for mobile customers after mobile phone service disruptions, but many internet customers are this weekend experiencing “data-free” days, much to their annoyance.

DOWN DOWN: Live Pictures from inside Telstra HQ on BrokenNews.com.au TV
DOWN DOWN: Live Pictures from inside Telstra HQ on BrokenNews.com.au TV

Broken News is also hearing rumours that Telstra marketing supremos have approached Coles supermarkets for permission to use its “Down, Down” jingle, in a self-deprecating move which would acknowledge the huge amount of times the company’s internet network has been “down” in recent times.  It’s understood that the slogan would be used in an ironic marketing campaign to appeal to many of its young consumers, who have been most affected by the company’s network down time.

Dow, Down, Telstra is down. An image from a Coles advertising campaign.
“Down, Down, Telstra is down.”

The one winner it seems, from Telstra’s disappointing dip in service levels, is the Vodafone network.  The company, which itself was once the butt of telecommunications industry jokes, has now benefited from thousands of new customers who have abandoned Telstra, annoyed at its recent service record.  Many observers have compared Vodafone’s change in fortunes to Steven Bradbury’s Olympic Gold medal win at the 2002, snatching victory, when all other competitors fell-over.

Vodafone's performance in winning new customers has been compared to Steven Bradbury's Olympic win.
Vodafone’s performance in winning new customers has been compared to Steven Bradbury’s Olympic win.

Broken News had intended to seek comment from Telstra to confirm the reports above, but weren’t able to because our phone wasn’t working at the time.