The phrase “going commando” has long been a euphemism for leaving the house without wearing any underwear, particularly when it comes to A-List celebrities in dazzling red carpet gowns.  But in a Broken News exclusive, we can reveal that, in fact, army commandos do wear underpants after all.

An SAS commando with 20 years experience, who spoke to Broken News on condition of anonymity, has exposed the utter myth behind “going commando”.  In speaking out, the military veteran is risking a dishonourable discharge from the army and is putting his family’s livelihood at considerable risk.  But he says “the truth must be told”.  Broken News has agreed to protect his identity, referring to him only by his nickname, Marty.

SPEAKING OUT: Broken News has agreed to protect the brave commando’s identity.

“I don’t know where this myth started, but I can tell you there is absolutely no substance to it whatsoever,” Marty says.

“I mean, think about it.  We are out in sweaty, stinky conditions, day after day,” Marty continues.  “Do you really want to be doing all that without any undies on?  I couldn’t think of anything worse.”

“We are literally out there on the battlefield getting shot at.  We’ve got bloody mortars and bombs going off all the time.  Mate you nearly sh-t yourself twice a day.  The last thing I would want is to have all that going on without wearing a pair of reg grundies,” he says shaking his head in disbelief.  “I mean, quite literally sh-tting yourself.  There couldn’t be anything worse.”

EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: This exclusive image of the Commando (dressed her in civilian clothing to protect his identity) which clearly shows him wearing underpants.
EXCLUSIVE PHOTO: This exclusive image of the Commando (dressed her in civilian clothing to protect his identity) which clearly shows him wearing underpants.

It’s not entirely clear how the myth of “going commando” gained traction, but by the mid 1990’s the expression was being used to describe stunning A-listers walking red carpets sans-underwear, in an effort to avoid visible panty lines.  The term spread from celebrities to everyday citizens however, including those wearing fitted dresses without briefs to suburban nightclubs, but commando Marty is adamant that dance-floor fashion couldn’t be any further from the frontline.

EXPLODING THE MYTH: Commandos don't go commando after all.
EXPLODING THE MYTH: Commandos don’t go commando after all.

A fashion historian spoken to by Broken News told us that the commando reference may have originally referred to a widespread belief that special forces soldiers who spend many weeks on assignment in a hostile environment are not able to carry additional supplies of underwear.  As a consequence, when in the field for longer than expected, they must carry on without a clean pair of underwear.

“Mate that is just total BS.  Undies weigh like 30 grams each, if that if that.  We bring like six pairs with us,” Marty says.  “If you can’t carry another 180 grams worth of cotton so that you don’t get skid marks on your khakis then… don’t belong in the military.”

“You’ve got to have your dignity,” Marty concludes.  “If we don’t have our dignity, what are we really fighting for anyway?”