What you need to know:

  • Australia is in a disappointing 11th place on the Rio medal tally
  • Calls for calm as no one has actually won medals yet, it’s just in alphabetical order
  • Proposal to rename Australia as Aaaustralia, to guarantee first-place alphabetically

Australia is in a dire position on the Rio Olympics medal tally, currently languishing in 11th place behind sporting minnows including Albania, Andorra and Angola.

Afghanistan currently leads the medal tally with zero golds, zero silver and zero bronze medals.  Australian Olympic Committee officials are in damage control over Australia’s poor showing after millions of dollars of taxpayers money have been poured into training programs for athletes.

The Rio Olympics medal tally as it currently stands

But Australian Olympic Chef de Mission Kitty Chiller told Broken News that there is no need for panic, and has urged cool heads to prevail, with the Games still several weeks from beginning.

“No one needs to worry yet,” Ms Chiller told Broken News by phone.  “Until the Games actually start, no country has any medals, so they just order everyone alphabetically.”

“It’s actually quite nice for the people of Afghanistan as they are always ahead at this early stage.  Within a few hours though, the USA and China teams are usually right up the top, so the celebrations for the Afghanistan team are fairly short lived.”

(Photo: Wikipedia.org)
(Photo: Wikipedia.org)

But the AOC’s explanation is not enough for some former Olympians, who are demanding Australia’s name be changed, to guarantee Australia first place on the tally for the weeks leading up to the games.

“If we were called AAAustralia then we would definitely be coming first,” the gold medal winner who did not wish to be named told Broken News.  “It would be an easy change, and would guarantee us the top slot.”