This is a leaked transcript of a recording of a telephone call between Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull and former Prime Minister Kevin Rudd.
The transcript has been obtained by BrokenNews.com.au sources.
The recording was made at 10.16am on Friday 29 July, 2016.
In the call, Prime Minister Turnbull explains to former Prime Minister Rudd that the federal cabinet has decided that Mr Rudd is an unsuitable person to be nominated for the United Nations Secretary General role. Mr Rudd does not take the news well. Some parts of the transcript, where indicated, are inaudible.
OFFICIAL TELEPHONE TRANSCRIPT
10.16am: Telephone Connects
RUDD: This is Kevin, I’m from Queensland and I’m here to say hello.
TURNBULL: Hello Kevin, it’s Malcolm.
RUDD: Oh, fair squeeze of the sauce bottle, as I live and breathe, good morning Malcolm and the finest regards of the morning to yourself.
TURNBULL: How are you?
RUDD: Good. How’s the top job going? Tough I bet. I should know, I’ve done it twice.
TURNBULL: Kevin, I’m ringing about the UN job.
RUDD: Oh wonderful. I’m so glad you’ve decided to…
TURNBULL: Kevin, I don’t think you…
RUDD: Don’t think I understand how wonderful this will be for Australia? Oh, it will put us on the map Malcolm, nothing more certain. I’m very much looking forward to it.
TURNBULL: Kevin, I’m ringing with bad news, news that you may not like.
RUDD: They’ve closed Scores? But that was my favourite strip club. It’s in New York. It’s actually not far from the UN building. I was hoping to take a few of the diplomats there for a welcome drink, when I take up the big job.
TURNBULL: Kevin, it’s not about Scores. I’m actually calling with some bad news.
RUDD: If it’s about the carpet in the Secretary General’s office, don’t worry, I know about it. Beige. Awful colour. But Therese is going to choose something a bit brighter, she’s down at the shops at the moment.
TURNBULL: Kevin, you’re not going to need to to worry about the carpet.
RUDD: What do you mean? Are they going to pull them up and polish the floorboards?
TURNBULL: Kevin. No.
RUDD: Well, we could…
TURNBULL: Kevin. Listen to me. The cabinet doesn’t think you’re suitable for the job. We are not going to nominate you.
RUDD: (Mr Rudd says something inaudible in Mandarin)
TURNBULL: Are you still there Kevin?
RUDD: So you’re ratf-cking me?
TURNBULL: Well, that’s not an expression I…
RUDD: Ratf-cking me. I’m being ratf-cked.
TURNBULL: Kevin if we could just leave rats out of this.
RUDD: You’ve f-cking ratf-cked me, you pompous f-cking Eastern Suburbs, Tory wannabe joke of a Prime-F-cking-Minister.
TURNBULL: Kevin, you need to stop swearing. This is part of the reason we don’t think you’re up to the job.
RUDD: F-ck you, I’ve got to f-cking zip.
(INAUDIBLE): (Sounds of screeching, smashing plates, and windows being broken)
TURNBULL: Well, that went as well as could be hoped.
10.19am: Telephone Disconnects