Broken News can reveal exclusive details about the hijinks that occurred on board the specially chartered Qantas Olympic flight that brought Australian athletes home from Rio this morning.
As if a 15 hour flight wasn’t trying enough, the athletes also had to endure being greeted by everyone from Malcolm Turnbull to the Sunrise Cash Cow before they could say hello to their families.
But it’s what happened on the flight that is causing the most controversy. Broken News has learned exclusive details about secrets on board the Qantas A380 that brought our Olympians home.
Among the most shocking revelations:
- Several athletes were accused of having falsified boarding passes and were hauled before airport security before it was revealed that it was actually an official’s fault, who had written new numbers on their seats with a biro.
- Members of the javelin and pistol shooting teams were politely reminded that their sporting equipment could not be brought on as hand luggage.
- Kitty Chiller demanded to perform the safety demonstration herself and proceeded to conduct a snap-quiz on airline safety for all. Anyone who didn’t score at least 95% on the quiz was left at Rio De Janeiro international airport.
- Athletes who had endured two weeks of threats that they wouldn’t be allowed to attend the closing ceremony were given travel pillows to assist with the pains-in-the-neck they had received from Olympic officials.
- When the plane doors were pulled closed ready for take off, one of the cabin staff joked “how’s that for a closing ceremony”, but no one really laughed.
- The Boomers asked to be seated in emergency exit rows. Not cause they’re tall, just cause they are used to exiting from things much earlier than they are expected to.
Amazing video of the Boomers in the Olympic Semi Finals
- The Women’s Rugby 7’s team asked if the pilot could do “a quick stop in Auckland on the way so we can show the Kiwis our medals again”, but he politely said that it wouldn’t be possible.
- Medalists who became hungry between meal services mid-flight had mixed emotions when they discovered that their gold medals are actually made of chocolate, a story first reported by Broken News last week.
- Mack Horton breathed a sigh of relief at the lack of in-flight WiFi as his phone still can’t cope with Instagram notifications with comments from Chinese folks who are still cranky about the Sun Yang thing.
- Legendary Australian walkers Jarred Tallent and Dane Bird-Smith both choose to watch ‘A Walk to Remember’ on in-flight movie screen but both are disappointed with its contents.
- Chloe Esposito spends the entire fifteen hours of the flight explaining to a confused cabin crew how modern pentathlon actually works.
- Qantas staff gave members of the Matildas a quick lesson in how to use drink-bottles before serving drinks (see video below)
- After some delays in flight, approach to Sydney, the pilot apologised for for a slower than expected arrival time. “Same,” said several members of the swimming team.
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