Broken News is excited to announce that we are entering the horoscope and astrology business, following news today that some of our stories are actually successfully predicting the future.

Our regular readers will remember that last month we brought you the amazing, and to be honest pretty unbelievable story of a boy who was dressed for Book Week as Adolf Hitler.

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Anyway, turns out that a boy in Alice Springs, has done exactly that, according to these ABC reports today.  The Principal of the school has accepted responsibility and apologised.

But several media outlets including Mumbrella and The Huffington Post have noticed how good we are at predicting the future – given our Book Week story has been up for two weeks before it even happened in the real world.

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So today, we are proud to announce a new addition to our core business: a dedicated horoscope service for our beloved readers, to help them predict the future.  Because of our unique clairvoyant abilities to predict the future, it’s a natural fit.

Our new astrology department will work alongside our bustling newsroom.  Our Editor announced the changes via a media release this morning.

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As it suggests, we will predict everything from Melbourne Cup winners to who will pay Sam Dastyari’s next phone bill.

We will even help predict personal questions for you, such as:

  • Will your Tiger flight to Melbourne be cancelled (Answer: Almost certainly, yes)
  • How long will your phone call to the Telstra technical department last (Answer: It will feel like forever, and the good news is that the problem still won’t be fixed)
  • Where have are our iPhone 7 earbuds gone? (Answer: This is kind of your problem because you were dumb enough to buy them)

Thanks for coming with us on our exciting new astrology journey.  We know you won’t be disappointed.

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