This week we’re seeing temperatures across the country soar into the high thirties! And while everyone knows that you can cool off at your local beach or swimming pool – we’ve come up with some ingenious hacks that will make you Daddy Cool (or Mommy Cool) in no time at all.
These are the best ways to stay cool, that the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know about. With these life hacks, you will be chill AF.
And if you’ve got any other ideas for staying cool, let us know on our Facebook page.
CHILL OUT AT YOUR LOCAL MORGUE
Forget having a dip at the beach. With a top operating temperature of just two degrees celsius and plenty of beds to just lie down and let your worries drift away – your local mortuary may be the best way to escape the heat this summer. And the best part? Entry is free! Simply fake your own death for a few hours and chill on one of the morgue’s many icy-cold slab of concrete or stainless steel drawers. Just make sure you wake up before the coroner performs an autopsy on you.
BREAK UP WITH A LOVED ONE VIA TEXT
Breaking up with a loved one via text message is literally one of the coldest things you can do. And the longer you’ve been with that person, the colder it is. Letting your wife or husband know you’ve been cheating with someone from the sales department and are leaving them via text message is the sign of a stone cold heart. And, with a stone-cold heart, your body’s core temperature will automatically drop a few degrees celsius, and the cool temperature will spread to your body’s extremities within minutes.
GET A GORILLA SUIT AND SCORE FREE ICEBLOCKS AT THE ZOO
Did you know that on hot days, the animals at the Zoo get given free ice-blocks to cool down? So how can you get in on a little bit of that action? Well we’ve discovered an amazing hack. It’s a bit risky (RIP Harambe – Never Forget) but it’s also worth the effort, when you’re chowing down on a gorilla-sized Calippo. All you need is a gorilla suit – they’re available at any good costume hire store – and the willingness to sneak into your local zoo’s primate enclosure – and you’ll be licking away on a giant size Sunny Boy in no time.
DEVELOP YOUR OWN RANGE OF CRAFT BEERS, SERVED IN A LIGHTBULB WITH A DONUT ON TOP AND A HYPODERMIC NEEDLE INJECTING CHOCOLATE MOUSSE
What were the coolest things of 2016? Craft beer? Check. Monster milkshakes with donuts on them? Check. Serving drinks in a lightbulb? Check. So surely combining three of this year’s coolest trends is the ultimate way to chill out. Why not brew your own range of craft beer at home, whack a donut on top, a hypodermic syringe full of chocolate and serve it all in a discarded lightbulb? Give it a try today.
Do you know some other great ways to stay cool? Let us know on our Facebook page.