Job interviews are scary right?

We all want the job, but going to the interview is so hard and nervewracking.  Answering their questions is really stressful, and then at the end they always ask “Do you have any questions for us?”

It’s tough to know what you should say.  It’s a chance for you to shine, but an area that so many people get wrong.  A good idea is to ask about company culture or what the business defines as success or even just use words like synergy and paradigms and KPI’s.

But even if you get stuck, there are some questions that you simply must never ask.  These are those questions:

THE TOP 10 QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD NEVER ASK AT A JOB INTERVIEW

  1. “Would working from home on the first day be ok with you guys?”
    This one is definitely not a good idea.  If you’re planning to do this, it’s best just to text your new boss this question at 8am on your first day instead of actually asking it now.
  2. “Are you growing your nose hairs out for a reason or is that actually a mouse stuck in one of your nostrils?” Even if you’ve been super bored and are curious how something resembling a small marsupial is growing out of the left nostril of the HR manager, just keep your curiosity to yourself.
  3. “Is the receptionist single?  She was kind of cute.”You don’t need to investigate this now.  She’s not single and if she was, she almost certainly wouldn’t be interested in you.
  4. “How long am I allowed to leave decaying food in the work fridge for?
    We were torn on this, because we think it’s a great question.  If this is the kind of joint that is going to throw out your tupperware with green mould on it willy-nilly, then you have a right to know, but perhaps just keep this enquiry to yourself.
  5. “Is anyone going to hassle me for leaving a coffee mug in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher?  Because that’s just something I do.” Don’t ask this.  You already know the answer.  The answer is yes.
  6. Does your chip machine have trail mix?  Don’t you think that’s just a waste of one of the slots that could be used for another flavour of Doritos?It’s certainly an appropriate line of enquiry because there is nothing worse than starting a new gig and finding that the so-called chip machine is full of cans of tuna, sultanas and beetroot chips, but just try to get a glance of it on the way out rather than actually asking.

  7. “Do you have change for a parking meter?  I just have to go downstairs but I swear I will be right back.”Don’t ask this question.  If they know you have a car and drivers licence then they will be constantly be asking for lifts home when you get the job.
  8. “Do you mind if I bring my mum to work with me?”This is just a silly question, of course they don’t mind.
  9. “What days do you do the random drug testing?” Don’t ask this question straight up during the interview.  Just allude to it with a safe colleague in the lunchroom during the first week.
  10. “Is all kinds pornography frowned upon on work computers, or just the more explicit kinds?” You really don’t want this job do you?
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